Not probably the best choice

Posted on Aug 13, 2007

This weekend we went over to some friends of Sarah’s mom and had dinner. Jim (one of the friends) happens to be a lock smith and somehow we got talking about breaking into houses. I don’t know how the conversation got there but it did. That got me thinking about a time I had had to break into a house when I was younger.

It all started, as all stories of this sort, on a beautiful, sunny, summer day. Jon and I had just arrived at my families old house, that we where trying to rent out, to do a little bit of yard work. We had spent all of the day prior to this driving around to the different properties managed by my father and working outside. Chances are that we had been drinking a lot of soda and eating unhealthy things (I am looking at you pork rinds). This led to one of those unfortunate bathroom moments. I needed to go really really bad.

So we did what any blue blooded American lawn crew in the world would do: we broke in. Since it was the house that I had grown up in, it wasn’t really that hard to do. We just removed a screen, lifted a window and poof, we where in. I went inside to do my business and we where ready to leave. Or so we thought. Apparently the neighbors, its always the neighbors, where concerned when they saw us going in through a window and called upon Greeley’s finest to come and investigate.

Now those of you unfamiliar with Greeley, let me explain something about the police. They are rather pompous and ineffective. When something really happens they never seem to be around. However when two kids enter a house, owned by the father of one of the kids, they respond with not one car but a car, two bicycles and an airplane(ok not an airplane, but a lot of cops nonetheless); while this call is being made and all of the cops are responding, Jon and I are replacing the window.

We had just finished securing the screen on the inside and where preparing to leave when the sound of sirens fill the air. We look out side and see all of the police coming towards the house. The cops tell us to freeze and to come outside. Jon and I in an attempt to comply head towards the front door. Cop A(for awesome) tells us to stop and that we have to come out the window, which we had just fixed.

I understand that in the police’s mind they had caught a couple of hardened criminals in the act of breaking and entering, but the way they yelled was a little over the top, especially since we hadn’t tried to run or make any sudden moves we both turned towards the door and headed that way. But whatever.

Once we had removed the screen and lifted the window we proceeded out side where we where told to get up against the wall and spread ‘em. We complied and the police proceeded to pat us down, grabbing our IDs as well as discovering our potential deadly weapons(screwdrivers) which we had concealed in our pockets. After being asked to slowly remove the “weapons” from out pockets, they called our info into dispatch and asked what we where doing in the house.

I calmly explained that we worked for Property Technica and that my father was the owner of the house. We where there to do maintenance and I had needed to use the bathroom. Since the house was vacant and I had lived there previously I proceeded to remove the screen and get in to use the bathroom. This didn’t seem to satisfy the officer. I gave him the number of the office so he could call and ask about Jon and I. This was almost our downfall.

Apparently I had failed to introduce myself as Joseph Dylan Reed to the office staff. So when Cop A called in he asked if a Joseph Reed and a Jon Ruth where in fact employees of PT. The first answer he got was an I don’t think there is a Joseph Reed (Doh!), luckily one of the Office people did know that my first name is Joseph so they where able to verify. Once they found that out they went on their merry way, without so much as an apology for grabbing our asses.

God I love the Greeley Police Department