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Writing Advice from the Unpublished, LOL

May 1, 2026

A vintage typewriter wearing a tiny tweed blazer and round wire-frame glasses, standing at a TED Talk podium, the slide behind it reads “WRITING TIPS FROM A GUY WHO HAS FINISHED LITERALLY NOTHING: A MASTERCLASS,” the audience is one (1) confused cat in a beret holding a tiny Moleskine, a half-finished manuscript is on fire to the typewriter’s left while it pretends not to notice, a sticker on its forehead reads “EXPERTISE NOT INCLUDED,” dramatic stage lighting, motivational poster in the back says “FAKE IT TIL YOU MAKE IT (NEVER ACTUALLY MAKE IT),” a single tear of ink rolls down the typewriter’s nonexistent face

One of the best things about writing is that everyone has opinions. Including me. The second best thing is that no one is wrong. There are no rules.

However.

There are some fundamentals you need to do to be a better writer. Here goes.

1. Read

To be a good writer, you have to read. If you don’t want to read, you probably don’t want to write.

If you go online (which you should never do except to visit me), you’ll hear that what matters is not reading but reading “good” books. The right books. The smart books. The capital-L Literary books. I strongly disagree with that. To be a writer — good or otherwise — you need to read a lot. Read what you like. Don’t force yourself through something you hate because someone on a podcast told you it was important. Reading should feel like reading, not like homework with a candle next to it.

2. Write

If you want to write, write. It really is that easy.

The quality of the writing doesn’t matter. Just that you’re doing it. How much should you write? As much as you can before you lose your mind. Some people set a daily word count. Some people only write when the mood strikes. Some people never set a goal and somehow finish three novels a year while you’re still trying to remember how to spell “definately.” All of these are valid. The only invalid option is “I’m a writer but I don’t write” — that’s not a writer, that’s a person who likes the idea of being a writer, which is fine but is a different hobby.

3. Finish something

Eventually. Maybe.

I know, I know — me, of all people, telling you to finish something. I have approximately forty-seven half-started projects on my computer right now. There’s a sci-fi short story from 2009 I am, theoretically, still working on. There’s a novel concept that exists entirely as one sentence in a notes file labeled “BIG IDEA REMEMBER THIS.” Reader, I do not remember this.

But here’s the thing. Until you finish one thing — one short story, one essay, one terrible poem about your cat — you don’t know what finishing feels like. And finishing is a separate skill from writing. Some people are great at the writing part and bad at the finishing part. (Hand raised. It’s me.) The first finished thing is the hardest. After that, you have proof you can do it.

4. Stop reading writing advice

Including this.

Most writing advice is one person’s process described as if it were universal law. Stephen King says X. Anne Lamott says Y. Some guy on Substack with three followers says Z and tries to sell you a $97 course. None of them are right or wrong — they’re describing what works for them.

What works for you is going to be weirder and more specific than any of it. You’ll figure it out by doing the first two things on this list, which — hey. Look at that. The post writes itself.

Now go do that. Or don’t. I’m not your boss.