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I Wrote 66,000 Words About Dragons Who Need a License to Hoard and an 80-Page Appendix of Government Forms, Send Help

April 29, 2026

An exhausted middle-aged dragon in a too-tight short-sleeve dress shirt and clip-on tie sitting behind a beige metal government-issue desk piled with manila folders, the nameplate reads “V. THORNFANG, DEPUTY ASSISTANT REGISTRAR” with a hand-corrected sticker over the original title, a ‘NOW SERVING: 0047’ deli-counter ticker glows above his head, the wall behind him has a poster that says “HOARD RESPONSIBLY: A LICENSED DRAGON IS A LEGAL DRAGON” with a thumbs-up cartoon dragon, a smaller poster reads “FORM 27-B IS NOT A SUGGESTION,” a coffee mug labeled “WORLD’S OKAYEST AUDITOR” sits next to a stack of cursed objects in evidence baggies, a damsel in a cardigan sits in a plastic waiting-room chair in the background reading a three-month-old issue of HIGHLIGHTS magazine, fluorescent lighting, drop ceiling tiles with one stained brown, a single sad potted plant, the dragon is using a tiny rubber stamp on a piece of paper that is on fire and he has not noticed, in the foreground a sign on the counter reads “BUREAU OF HOARD INTEGRITY — PLEASE TAKE A NUMBER,” gritty office realism meets fantasy, slightly desaturated palette, DMV energy

There is a story I wrote years ago that I called Dragon Hoard (though to be honest I think I spelled it Horde). It is quite possibly my favorite story that I have ever written. I have submitted it a couple (a lot) times to fancy pants fantasy journals and received personal replies twice. Both amounted to “We liked it but not quite sure where it would fit in upcoming issues”. This is a win. But it got me thinking. Is this a really REALLY really weird story that has a hard time finding a place to live.

Here is a brief note about what the first story is about.

Benjamin hoards electronics. That’s what dragons do. He needs a damsel to properly be a dragon, so he kidnaps Alice Huang, a Denver repair technician. Alice is furious until she realizes his cavern of broken machines is an opportunity. Weekdays she works in the city. Weekends she wires jukeboxes and turntables into Benjamin’s battery grid. They build something that looks like a life. Then Alice tells her therapist the truth about where she spends her weekends, and the response isn’t curiosity — it’s psychiatric intervention, forced medication, and a diagnosis that reduces everything real about her life to a symptom.

Pretty awesome right?

In that vein I decided to double down and write more stories in the same universe. Because if one story was hard to place, thirteen stories should be a piece of cake. You are probably wondering what kind of stories could spin off from a story about a dragon who has a hoard in Denver Colorado and how can thirteen short stories equal a cohesive book.

Honestly, I am not sure. I have been experimenting with epistolary stories, which is a fancy word for stories told in letters, I have been experimenting with trusting the reader to see threads in other stories and see how they apply to the overall story.

Oh and footnotes. A moderate and controlled number of footnotes.[1]

I have learned in my writing that I love writing about bureaucracy. Forms and letters and decisions made because of rules make my little writer heart sing. So I have created Dragon Bureaucracy[2]. A whole universe that has dragons that must file paperwork (Form 27-B) to get a princess for their tower. There are rules about how damsel rescue should be performed (Protocol Section 12 governs engagement with rescue parties). Dragons are expected to take good care of any damsels in their care so of course there is a form (14-E) to request items for the damsel. It is all great fun.

Of course I couldn’t just have stories, no I had to actually create the forms. So now this mosaic novel (which is the fancy word for short story collection that should go together… I think) has an appendix with the forms that are referenced in the stories and quite a few that aren’t referenced but I made them any way.

And no bureaucracy would be complete without bureaus (it’s in the name), I have those as well.

  • Bureau of Hoard Integrity (BHI): Hoard registration, valuation, audit, privacy, theft response, territorial dispute. Senior Auditor: Vaelthrix (License No. AU-0017).
  • Bureau of Damsel Affairs (BDA): Captivity licensing, damsel welfare standards, rescue protocol oversight. Issues Forms 27-B and 14-E.
  • Bureau of Inter-Territory Affairs (BITA): Customs, transit permits, cursed object regulation, border inspection.
  • Bureau of Professional Standards (BPS): Recertification, continuing education, license maintenance, examination administration.
  • Office of the Registrar: Central filing, document intake, case-number assignment, the Overdue Cabinet, the public window.
  • Office of Internal Affairs (OIA): Investigations of Council personnel; whistleblower processing (such as it is).
  • Council Estate & Probate Division (CEPD): Hoard succession, post-mortem inventories, beneficiary determinations, §20.11 reviews.
  • Council Pension & Retirement Board (CPRB): Mandatory retirement administration, lair downsizing, territorial transfers.
  • Office of Forms & Publications (OFP): Drafts and revises forms. Reports to the Registrar.
  • Records Division: Archives, the twenty-year purge cycle, sealed files.

I am a lot sometimes. And of course there has to be an academy where you learn to be a good dragon.

  • Council Academy of Hoard Sciences and Practice (CAHSP): Colloquially: the Academy or Dragon Academy. Three primary tracks — Hoard Auditor, Damsel Handling, General Practice — plus an Other category subject to additional review. Faculty appointed by the relevant Bureau. Program length varies by track.

And the last one I just came up with when writing the last story, which involves workers comp, the most fun of the comps.

  • Joint Workers' Compensation Authority (JWCA): Council + Knight Guild. Adjudicates injury claims arising from sanctioned encounters.

I mean… who doesn’t love over thought government agencies and the stories that surround them. With cases that have prefixes, dragons who need licenses to have a hoard. And an entire Statute that Dragons have to follow or FACE THE CONSEQUENCES[3] (usually just a fine of some amount of gold). I think I may have gone into the wild blue as I wrote this.

As it stands now, before editing, we are looking at about 66k words over 13 stories which on a 6x9 paperback is 365 pages… like simmer down Dylan. Did I also add artifacts (black and white photos of artifacts that tie to the case examined in the story as a front piece for each story)? Yes. Is the appendix 80 of those pages? Also yes.

I am going to start working my way through editing these stories and once I am finished I will let you know so you can go buy it and support my growing insanity. Wanna get an email when I finally launch this (or other books)? You should go to dylanreed.com and sign up for the email updates.

Reviewed and approved by the Bureau of Blog Affairs (BBA). Form B-101 on file. Case No. BBA-2026-0429-DR. Filed under §4.2: Writer Status Updates, Excessive. Reviewing Officer declines to be named.

  1. it is too many footnotes probably back
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  2. what I assume is a totally new genre back
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  3. usually just a fine of some amount of gold back
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