I had a goal. A real one. A specific, measurable, adult goal.
The premise is simple: before you buy any new miniatures, you must assemble and paint the ones already sitting in boxes on the shelf judging you. For me this means the 135-model rat tide currently waiting its turn in the plastic purgatory of my hobby desk. Clanrats. Stormvermin. A weapon team I bought on a whim that I cannot identify without looking it up. Doomwheel parts still on sprue like little plastic skeletons of my good intentions.
I was doing it. I was actually doing it. I had a rhythm. I had a primer can that wasn’t clogged. I had a painting playlist.
And then Games Workshop announced a new wave of Skaven.
Cool.
Look, I understand that Games Workshop is a for-profit company whose entire business model is “what if the rats, but MORE rats, and also now they’re on sale.” I understand that every time they release a new wave of something I already collect, they are personally reaching into my brain and flicking the specific neuron marked MORE TINY WAR CRIMES. I get it. This is the deal I signed.
But the timing. The timing. Who at GW headquarters looked at a calendar and said “you know what would be really funny? Releasing new Skaven while Dylan Reed, noted Halfling Blood Bowl coach and owner of 135 unpainted rats, is attempting personal growth.”
I told Sarah about the new releases. I did the thing where I said “I’m not going to buy them” in the exact tone of voice that means I am one hundred percent going to buy them. She nodded. She said “mmhm.” She did not look up from her book. She gets it. She has watched this movie before. She knows how it ends. It ends with a box on the porch and me saying “well I need to paint these FIRST because they’re the new hotness.”
The goal isn’t dead. I’m making an amendment. Do the Sprue, but with a clause: unless Games Workshop releases new Skaven, in which case the sprue count resets and we pretend this conversation never happened.
That’s reasonable. That’s measured. That’s how adults handle things.
Anyway, I’ll be in the garage.