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THE CROSSWORD IS ALWAYS A CLUE AND I AM ALWAYS A FOOL FOR HALLMARK MYSTERIES

A giant crossword puzzle spread across a detective’s desk like a crime scene map, with red string connecting clue boxes to photos of suspects on a corkboard, a magnifying glass resting on 17 across which reads “WHO DID IT (OBVIOUSLY THE SECOND GUY THEY INTERVIEW),” a cup of tea balanced precariously on the corner, warm lamplight, someone has written “MOTIVE???” in the margin in red pen but also doodled a little heart next to it

I need to talk about the Hallmark Crossword Mysteries.

I know what you’re thinking. “Dylan, you already wrote about Murder She Wrote. You wrote about cozy mystery novels. Is this just going to be a thing now where you keep writing love letters to murder-adjacent entertainment?” And the answer is yes, absolutely, this is who I am now. I have accepted it. Sarah has accepted it. The cats have no opinion but they’re here for the vibes.

So here’s what happened. Sarah and I have been on this slow-motion journey through Hallmark’s mystery movie catalog, and we recently started the Crossword Mysteries series starring Lacey Chabert. If you don’t know Lacey Chabert from Hallmark, I genuinely don’t know what you’ve been doing with your life, but she’s basically Hallmark royalty at this point. The woman has done more Hallmark movies than I’ve had ADHD hyperfixations, which is saying something.

The premise is exactly what it sounds like: Lacey Chabert plays a crossword puzzle editor — yes, that is a real job, and yes, it is apparently glamorous enough to build a movie franchise around — who keeps stumbling into murder investigations. Because of course she does. This is the Hallmark mystery formula and I refuse to apologize for loving it. Smart woman with a niche expertise accidentally becomes a detective. The crossword puzzles are somehow always connected to the crimes. It makes no logical sense and I do not care even a little bit.

We’re two movies in and Sarah and I are both completely hooked. There’s a detective love interest, naturally, because this is Hallmark and there is always a detective love interest. He’s skeptical of her involvement at first — they always are — and then she solves something he couldn’t and he gets that look on his face like “oh no, I’m going to have to respect this crossword puzzle editor, aren’t I?” It’s perfect. Every time.

What I love about these Hallmark mystery series — and I say this as someone who has now written multiple posts defending this genre — is that they understand something that prestige TV has forgotten: sometimes you just want to watch a smart, kind person figure things out in a world where justice actually happens. Nobody is morally grey. The lighting is always warm. There’s usually a scene in a coffee shop. The murder gets solved, the romantic tension advances exactly one inch, and you go to bed feeling like the world makes sense.

Is that unrealistic? Sure. Do I need it? Also sure.

Two movies down. Sarah is already asking when we can watch the next one. That’s all the review you need.

Stay cozy, solve crosswords, and don’t trust the second person they interview.