Games Workshop has released the Third Season Edition of Blood Bowl, and I have thoughts. The box includes two teams: the Bretonnian Brionne Barons and the Tomb Kings Nehekhara Nightmares.

Neither of these teams are Halflings.

This is, frankly, a missed opportunity. But let’s break them down anyway.

The Bretonnians

The nobles of Bretonnia have finally arrived on the Blood Bowl pitch with their fancy armor and their horses (the horses are metaphorical, they don’t actually let you field horses, which is cowardice on Games Workshop’s part).

Theteam includes:

• 6 Bretonnian Squire Linemen (peasants who exist to die)
• 2 Knight Catchers (fast peasants)
• 2 Knight Throwers (peasants who can throw)
• 2 Grail Knight Blitzers (the actual knights who do the work)

This is a team built around class inequality. The knights are good. The squires are there to get punched so the knights don’t have to. It’s basically feudalism with touchdowns.

You know what team also relies on sending weak units to get absolutely destroyed while the real threats do their thing?

Halflings.

Except Halflings do it with a Treeman and the power of snacks. The Bretonnians do it with “honor” and “chivalry,” which are just fancy words for “we don’t have a Treeman.”

Advantage: Halflings.

The Tomb Kings

The Nehekhara Nightmares are undead Egyptian skeletons who have risen from the grave to play fantasy football. This is objectively cool. I cannot pretend otherwise.

The team includes:

• 6 Skeleton Linemen (bones that will break)
• 4 Tomb Guardians (big bones that break slower)
• 2 Tomb Kings Blitzers (fancy bones)
• 2 Tomb Kings Throwers (bones that throw) The Tomb Kings are described as a “highly technical team that requires each player to do their utmost.” This is code for “difficult to play and you will lose a lot.”

You know what other team is difficult to play and loses a lot?

Halflings.

The difference is that when Halflings lose, they do it while throwing the chef at someone. When Tomb Kings lose, they crumble into sand and sadness.

Also, Halflings can eat. Tomb Kings cannot eat. They are skeletons. What kind of existence is that? You play Blood Bowl but you can’t enjoy a post-game meat pie? Advantage: Halflings.

The Actual Edition

To be fair, the Third Season Edition looks solid. They’ve refined the rules rather than overhauling everything, updated the tokens and templates, and the new 200-page rulebook apparently has better layouts for finding rules mid-game.

The Tomb Kings models are a long-overdue update—the old ones were ancient (which I suppose is thematically appropriate). The Bretonnians are entirely new, which is exciting for people who want to play Bretonnians. I do not want to play Bretonnians. I want to throw Halflings at people.

The Real Question

Did I buy this box?

Of course I did. I already have a Halfling team. I already have dice. I already have more unpainted miniatures than I can reasonably justify to Sarah. None of that has ever stopped me before.

Will I use this as an excuse to get more people into Blood Bowl so I have more victims—I mean opponents—for my Halflings to face?

Absolutely.

Blood Bowl is the best game Games Workshop makes because it refuses to take itself seriously. It’s a game where you can field a team of sentient trees, or goblins with chainsaws, or—and this is the correct choice—a team of hungry little guys who are statistically terrible but spiritually undefeated.

The Bretonnians and Tomb Kings look fun. They’re not Halflings. But they’re fine.

Go buy the box. Learn the game. Then lose to my Halflings.

The Halfling Thimble Cup will rise again.