Well it hit me

Today was a rough day. Apparently enough time has passed and my brain has finally decided to be sad. Really sad. This is one of those days when working from home sucks. Since I spent most of my day home alone I got to remember all of the fun things I did with my grandpa. I wouldn’t remember them all at once but instead it was much more of a shocking moment that would make me really sad followed by a lot of sad retrospection.

I do regret not seeing my grandfather more before he died. I rarely went to visit him. The last time I saw him was at this big surprise party that we had for him, and before that I can’t really say when I saw him last. I regret this because he was a neat person and I feel like I missed out.

The worst part is that I can’t commit to seeing my other grandparents more. Like I learned my lesson and will do better with the remaining ones. He was the last one. Families are hard like that. You don’t really miss them until they are gone.

What is hard right now is that I cannot begin to describe what I am feeling. I can’t seem to get past the barrier and actually cry. Instead I am just stuck in this permanent state of almost crying. Like I am on the verge of having a huge breakdown and just can’t.