Dylan.Blog Writing and musings by Dylan Reed

My Etsy Shoppe and the Stories I Tell

Harper, my wonderful and helpful brother, recently suggested that I make a story for all of the creatures I am trying to sell on Etsy. Well I did just that. I wrote wonderful little stories for all of my little creatures. I figured I would share them with the world via my blog and I hope you enjoy them.

Phil is the most exercising-est one-eyed bunny you can find. He was a contestant on one of those fancy weight loss tv shows and while he wasn’t a winner he found that he loved exercising. Being born a cycloptic bunny was hard on both Phil and his parents, Cocoa and Nuts. He grew up in a community the shunned his difference and as such he just ate and ate and ate.
By the age of 16 he weighed over 2 pounds and his parents where worried about his future. After getting kicked out of numerous camps for over weight bunnies he was on the road to ruin when a TV station, that shall remain nameless, saw him wondering the streets and offered him a spot on the show.
He was able to fight to stay on the show for six of the eight weeks. He dropped form over 2 pounds… [more]

Bob got his start, as any young blob does, in horror movies, the problem was that he was just to nice. Every time he was supposed to absorb someone he would apologize to the person ruining the movie and his career.
Bob drifted from job to job. You might have seen him selling used cars or in the circus as an acrobat. You might have even seen him working on a certain candidates presidential campaign.
After all of that time spent wondering from job to job, place to place and person to person, he realized that he needed to go on a mission of self discovery.
It was on this mission that he made friends with a tribe of indigenous people living on the Canadian shield. This tribe, who where made up mostly of… [more]

Soupcooler is just the nickname of everyones favorite cheerleader. Her real name is Candice Marie Bouldershims. She was the top of her class at Bouldershims Academy, helped of course by the fact that her father was the headmaster and her mother the only teacher.
Once she left home school and headed off to college she discovered her true calling, Cheer leading. She was a natural, always smiling always cheering, she was able to lead her squad to 17 national championships in one year.
As time went by she realized that she was the best cheerleader in the world and started brag about it. She would tell anyone that would listen that she could do the splits longer then any other cheerleader.
Then it happened, a challenger approached that she wasn’t ready for. A robot built by the… [more]

This handsome creature is known as Lips the Yellow Bellied Sap Sucker though he used to be known as Lips the Fastest Kisser in the west. He traveled the land as kissing sheriff keeping the outlaws at bay and the driving the girls crazy.
It all happened one sunny, dusty afternoon, Lips had just entered the town of Liongulch for a stop at his favorite saloon. He had hoped to catch the eye of piano player and dancer of no large talent, Maude. As he entered the saloon he noticed that the usual people where sitting in their usual places and he got the usual stares from the locals.
He settled up to the bar and ordered a vinegar apple soda with a bendy straw and umbrella. He winked at Maude and she started to play his favorite song. Lips sat there lost in the moment when suddenly there was a loud clang.
Looking towards the door Lips saw none other then Kissy the Kid. Lips and Kissy had gone to different schools together and hated each other with the fire of one campfire. As they stood standing there something inside of Lips broke. He started to quiver, first his lips, then his knees.
As Kissy the Kid approached the bar Lips fainted dead away. Ever since then he has been know as Lips, the Yellow Bellied Sap Sucker. [more]

Leader of the Flugs, he grew up as there prince (duh), he spent his formative years under the tutelage of Meredeth, Lord of Ping-Pong. After many long months of training he was sent on a Quest, a quest to destroy the evil Cotton Candy Demons of the Carnival Mountains.
Most people thought that Prince Susan would fail. He was, after all, quite small being just five inches tall and have stubby little arms. What most people didn’t know was that Meridith had trained young Susan in the art of tounge lashing. He had also equipped our young hero with the infamous Tongue of Truth.
This tongue, blue in color, allows Susan to point out peoples flaws in such away… [more]

Eustace, lead singer of the Flaming Toilets, has been around the block. Seriously she took her car and drove it around the block. Discovered at a young age on the streets of Omaha Nebraska she has grown to international fame as a rock star and a advocate for avocados.
Here most famous work came in late 2007 when she openly spoke out against the exploitation of avocados in the making of guacamole. She told the press and public that she didn’t understand peoples need to eat what looks and tastes like (trust her she knows) boogers.
Since then she has gone on to start AvoAide to help families broken up by the slaughter of avocados all across the country. She has since been banned from performing in any grocery store and farm in Colorado, Iowa, North… [more]

More to come and I will try to introduce them one at a time from now on. Also any comments on the creatures and any ideas for stories would be greatly appreciated.